So Good

I need to write this now.
I want to capture these feelings.
I am his.
That's all I can think about.
It's all I want to think about.

We were just together and it was amazing. I love the way his words make me gush. His "story" tonight was more kinky than those of late, and that kinkiness really gets my juices flowing... literally... lol. Fuck I want him to spank me so fucking bad!
I think my high sex drive is getting back in gear. I'm wanting it more and more.

I love when he says... Do "this" or don't do "this". I love his rules and I love him enforcing them. It gives me that submissive rush that I crave. That feeling that washes over me. That feeling I actually haven't felt in quite a while.
I've been holding back.
I've been afraid.
I've also been under a great deal of stress, which is slowing dissipating one issue at a time.
I felt that wonderful rush tonight when he claimed me and when he said in a very firm no nonsense voice " don't be on there tonight " (meaning Fet), and earlier today when he said... "can you correct your attitude " oh God it was such an amazing feeling when I read those words... knowing, surrendering to him, to his words, his dominance. I just fucking love it so much. I love the feeling I get when I know, when I feel that confidence that he owns me. Perhaps I am more slave than sub.

I want so much to kneel naked at his feet, in front of others, so they will know, with no mistaking I belong to him. To be sitting there collared him holding my leash, proud to be his chosen one. I want that so much. To truly feel like I am his property. That excites me. That fulfills me. That makes me happy.

I fucking love him so much!!

I want to give him control of everything, of my whole life, of everything I do, I want him to have control over my orgasms. I want to do the orgasm control conditioning that I've read about. I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not afraid to give him that power over me, over my body. I trust him that he would never use it to hurt me. I think, next time we have a chance to talk for a while, I'm going to ask him about it.
I know it's more to do with me, with my letting him in. Surrendering to him.
It's what I want more than anything. To completely surrender to my Sir.
I'm very relaxed, happy, smiling from ear to ear. lol.

Happy Subbie Tonight :)