He doesn't know if he wants to go...

So...
It's my family reunion tomorrow.
Second one.
Tim is not busy. But still doesn't want to go.
I don't like it.
I like when my partner does things with me.
I'm not used to a boyfriend who does not want to come to events with me.
It makes me think of breaking up with him.

Not feeling valued

So confused
Not sleeping
Gets worse every night
High blood pressure
Sadness
Thinking that I have to break up with him.

It's because he just doesn't feel for me the way I feel for him. And I can't do it anymore. I'm upset all the time.
But sometimes I don't know if it's just all in my head.
I don't feel loved.
But why.
He says he loves me
We do things together
Why don't I believe him.

20 questions

I Don’t Trust You

“I Don’t Trust You” written by Natalie Chalmers.

I don’t trust you.
I relieve you of all burden to meet my expectations.
To be anyone I need you to be in order to feel safe.
I don’t trust you and I don’t expect you to trust me.
I relieve myself of all burden to be who you think I am.

And I open my heart as wide as I feel I can.
And that part of me still behind the curtain of
old paradigm beliefs and thoughts
looks to see if you have too.

And I feel happy when I think you have.
And sad when I think you haven’t.
And I tremble with anxiety when I think I have and you haven’t.

And then I remember.
I don’t trust you.
I don’t need to trust you.
My heart is not a fragile thing made of glass.
It is strong beyond all knowing.
It can open wide enough for the whole world to flow through it.
And it takes nothing from me, even when I give it all.

Because Love flows through my heart.
A stream of energy that I can’t keep.
Can’t hold tight onto it.
It moves
Emotion.
Energy in motion.

And every break it has ever had
has only been there to tear it wider.
To open it more.
To expand it so that even more Love can flow through it.

I don’t trust you.
I relieve you of the burden to approve of me,
because I am already Accepted.
I relieve you of the burden to love me,
because I am already Loved.
But I invite you in to share my love.
Share in my sharing.
To play with this flow that bounces between people
As they wax and wane in connection.

I don’t trust you and you needn’t trust me.
Only share what is True for you
And I will do the same.

I don’t trust you.
But I trust myself wholly
to be able to handle anything that
Life can ever bring to me.

Anything.
Through anyone.

Even you.