Long Day

Just came home from my daughter's.
Well. A bit ago.
It was a good visit. But stressful too.
I'm not approving of what's happening with my granddaughter.
I don't think she's treated well. She's not abused exactly. But I just think the adults in the house are too hard on her.
I think I'll just bring her here or take her out instead of going there to visit.

G is at music. We've had a few texts today. But very limited communication.
He has company still and his wife is off work this week. I'm sure he's feeling very stifled, and misses me and his baby girls. He usually talks to me much more. I know, if it was me, and it was, it would make me very irritable. I hated not be able to talk to him when I needed him. It was awful. And admittedly, I handled it badly.
I miss him. I'm feeling very far from him. I'm feeling disconnected. Drifting.
Not sure of him. I know it can't be helped. I'm just saying how I feel.
I've been thinking about saving up my money so I can go on vacation, to Dallas to see him.
But perhaps he wouldn't want that.
I don't really know what he wants. I mean, as far as our relationship goes. He said, once things settle down, once I'm settled in my new place, and things on his end are back to normal, he said we can explore a deeper relationship. I do like the sound of that. I want to be closer to him. But, I don't know really how to accomplish that. I'm not sure that he knows either. I mean. He is a good man, and he is dominant in nature, but that's not the same thing as being a Dom to a submissive woman.
I'm a little nervous about it.

I'm feeling kind of sad about M. My granddaughter who's 3 asked me about her Papa. I told her he's living with her Oma now. It was sad for me. But she took it well.
It's all such a sad situation. It just didn't HAVE to be this way. I was willing to stay married and just have my G. But he was too jealous, he couldn't handle it. And honestly, I couldn't handle him anymore either. G was the only person keeping me sane and safe.

I don't know if it's just this week, being so disconnected from G. But I do feel that he leaves me on my own a lot more than he used to. He rarely checks on me, and when he does, it appears as though he doesn't read my response. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway. I mean, if I was upset, there's nothing he can do, not even listen. At least not at the moment.
I didn't leave my husband for G. But, G has given me some much needed confidence. I stopped just giving in to M's unreasonable requests.  It's sad. Sad that M and I couldn't have stayed together. I know he misses me terribly and I certainly feel like a first class bitch for leaving him, for hurting him.

I'm finding myself becoming increasingly impatient where G is concerned. Perhaps again its just our lack of contact lately. I don't know for sure. I just find that some of the things he does irritate me. But. I probably do things that irritate him too. Like going on about something too long.
It does really really really bug me that he wrote such a hot story with Justarush. Not that he wrote it with her per ce, but that he couldn't, or at least hasn't written one like that with me. I think I bore him now. I'm no longer new and interesting. This is not me putting myself down, this is me assuming how he's feeling based on his actions or lack thereof. Which, is not a very wise thing to do. I honestly don't know what he thinks. He says, oh I just haven't had time. Well, he had time for her story. I guess if you're his submissive then it's not as important. I feel like he takes me for granted. I mean either that or he just would not be all that upset if our relationship ended... Open Hand.... And all that...

I am getting further and further away from him as the days pass. It makes me sad and a little afraid. And it makes me start noticing other men. Looking. No touching. Although, he does, not physically mind you, but if he wanted to cybersex with another woman, he would. I think he believes that as a Dom, he has that right. So then, why should he get my devotion, my gift of submission and I get set aside for the latest damsel in distress. As far as I know, he has been making me a priority, instead of, like in the beginning, I was just an option.
Relationships are so freaking complicated. And D/s ones even more so. And what I feel today, think today, may not be the same tomorrow, usually isn't.
All I know for sure right now is...
I love him and I want to remain his submissive.