A Song in My Head

I woke up, with a song in my head...
Just You and I...

I remember, I asked Marc to learn it with me, but he never did.

As I was waking memories started flooding into my head.
Memories of happy times, memories of being in love with him and of feeling loved. Sadness overwhelmed me and that's why I woke up.
I think it's Marc's sadness that I'm feeling. I mean, I'm sad too sometimes, but the fact that the sadness woke me up... and that today is his court date, I believe I am feeling his pain.
It's very strong, very hard to deal with.

I never wanted to leave him forever.
I only wanted to be free to be myself.
I wanted to be able to stay married and have my Grizz. I was willing to never go and seek out a Dom here.
I know it was too much for him to handle.
But now, now he has to handle going to jail. That's not better. It's so very sad that this is where we have ended up.
It's very hard for me to not take responsibility on myself for this whole thing. I am the one who left. And I am the one who refused to give up my Dom and Fet.
He gave up Raine for me.
Makes me feel very bad about myself.
I've hurt him beyond repair.
It tears me to pieces to know that I am the cause of his unbearable pain.
Sad.
Very sad.
Even now, I wish I could hold him, comfort him, as he's facing the judge today. I wish I could hold his hand and tell him, everything will be OK. He'll get through this. But will he. If he commits suicide, how will I ever deal with it. It will be my fault.