3
Can i talk to you
cherry314:2D
I am very upset. :'(
I need a friend
Of course. What's up?
Cherry314:2D
Sir and I are having a disagreement.
I am so hurt and upset. I can't stop crying cause I think we might break up.
Sir said on Friday that he would be busy all weekend with his boys.
I miss him when that happens, but i know, and it's fine.
Then yesterday, he said, if the boys went to do their own things today, that he would come and visit me and cuddle with me for a while (since I am sick) if he could, and he said that he would text me and let me know.
he forgot about me :'(
It hurts so much to know that I mean that little
he didn't text me at all until i texted him and then he acted like i was trying to come between him and his kids :'(
I told him that it upset me that he forgot me and he responded with:
"Let Me be very clear, I did not know what I was doing today. I have chosen to spend time with My sons. I did forget to text, I am sorry for that."
That's not fair! I never asked him to come and see me, it was his idea and all I wanted was to know if he was coming or not, i don't think that was too much to ask. i don't think I am being unreasonable to expect him to follow through on what he says...
And ya, I guess he did apologized for forgetting me in an angry back handed way, which to me is worse than no apology at all.
I can't stay with someone to whom I mean so little. :'(
So I am very very upset. i can't talk to him because he is with his boys. And he will just say "Oh well, I guess i can't give you what you need then."
Fucking bullshit! I am so angry and hurt and afraid.
i don't want to lose him I love him so much
but i don't think he loves me
cherry314:2D
That's not entirely true. I know he loves me.
I am just very hurt that he could just forget me, and then be angry with me because I tell him that it hurts me.
And to not believe me. to say "oh you're not really hurt about me forgetting you even exist, you're upset because i am spending time with my sons!"
That is such an insult to me!!
he should know - I want what makes him happy
I know they make him happy
i want him to spend as much time with them as he can
Five years from now, they will be gone to college or university, living their own lives - I know - I raised two kids
but he's convinced I am jealous of them UGH!
My name is not fucking Tanya!!!! (sorry for swearing)
cherry314:2D
where did you go?
I'm here. Have friends visiting, but they're all doing their makeup with Selena now. :-)
cherry314:2D
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your visit, you should have told me you were busy. I wouldn't have bothered you.
Try to keep things in perspective. His marriage - like mine - was one where passive aggressiveness by his spouse was a common communication "tool". Though he knows you're not her, every interaction he will have with another intimate partner will be coloured by that experience.
He may be seeing your reaction as much the same - even if that's not what your intent was - because his perception was created by his experiences.
Did he actually say that he thought you were upset because he chose his boys over you? If he didn't, is it possible that you are the one interpreting his response as such?
Obviously, I'm not going to take "sides" here, but every misunderstanding that I've ever witnessed has been rapidly de-escalated by one (or both) parties simply putting themselves in the other person's shoes. Tim is a pretty empathic guy. He should be able to see things from your perspective, but conversation - lacking accusations from either of you - will likely resolve this.
Granted, there may not be time for that right now, as he is with his boys. If you let him do his thing, and try not to stew over this, to and be will be able to talk later.
For what it's worth, I think he cares a lot about you. Remember that.
Hi NJ JH NJ
I wasn't busy really. We were just talking briefly, then the police came to talk to us about the shooting in our building on Friday night.
cherry314:2D
oh yes, I heard about that
seems that building has a lot of excitement
cherry314:2D
It's this that really makes no sense to me...
"Let Me be very clear, I did not know what I was doing today. I have chosen to spend time with My sons. I did forget to text, I am sorry for that."
I know he didn't know what he was doing- that's why he was supposed to text me...
And he was not going to spend time with me INSTEAD of his sons so I don't know why he makes it sound like he made a choice to be with them instead of me... that's not what was happening
He said - if they were gone doing their own things, then he would come - that was my expectation - but he made it sound like I made him choose, or that he had to choose UGH! Which was not the case at all.
oh but... you know... i guess i should say sorry... as a afterthought... for forgetting you exist! (yes i am very angry, not so much that he forgot me, but that to him it is no big deal, i wonder if he would feel the same if I forgot about him and he was waiting for me to text him, but i guess, I am not that important.
But let's say it was one of his boys, and they were like... oh ya sorry dad i was too busy to remember you exist and have feelings - grrrrr
Of course, I cannot say any of this to him, or rather i wouldn't, I am just ranting venting, somehow i will figure out how to communicate with him respectfully - sigh
cherry314:2D
I think I know why it makes me so upset or at least partly why
It was all him
He offered to come I did not ask, I was already fine with not seeing him. And when he mentioned the possibility I said, that would be very nice "if" you can. Still not "expecting" anything but, sure, hoping he can.
And he said, "I will text you and let you know".
So there I am waiting to hear from him for hours and hours until finally I message him and ask him if he thinks he'll be coming or not.
To which he answers: "Sorry My slave not today."
As though it was something I had just requested and he had no idea what I was talking about.
I tell him that it hurts me that he forgot about me.
And then starts acting like I am being too demanding. WTF is that about, he created the whole situation in the first place.
it was Not me. but I am the one crying my eyes out.
I can almost guarantee you that there is a large disconnect between the context intended in his message, and how you're interpreting what he said.
I'm not saying that either of you have done anything wrong. I am saying that I am not in a position to say what he meant by what he said. He is the only one that can answer that for you.
cherry314:2D
I know. It's good just to get it out, i am so frustrated
cherry314:2D
I try very hard to be a good slave for him.
I feel disrespected and unappreciated. Tossed aside. I am just not important enough to him for him to remember me. :(
Again, I think this is largely a matter of both of you reading context into the situation that doesn't exist, and definitely wasn't intended.
You may want to consider posting (a sock puppet account can help, or I can post anonymously on your behalf in "Ask a Submissive Questions") a question for other submissives or slaves to answer.
I'll send you a link to the post if you go with that option.
cherry314:2D
Thank you, I may do that. Although I think it's a relationship thing not a D/s thing. I would have been hurt no matter who it was who forgot me. Well, if it was someone I cared about I mean. Like my daughter or my sister.
We did talk, I did manage to get him to admit that if i forgot him he would be upset too.
I think we will work through it.
It's hard, even when two people try very hard and love each other very much. These types of things happen.
I am calmer now. Thank you for listening Bruce.
I did mention to Sir that I vented to you. I don't keep anything from him so no need to feel "compromised" in any way. :)
I am going to bed now,
Be well. :)
cherry314:1D
Hey... :)
Sorry for throwing this at you yesterday.
(next time maybe duck LOL)
I should not have. You being Tim's friend.
Thank you for being so kind about it.
You're quite welcome.
I really should try to find funding to get my license to be a therapist. I think I'd be quite good at it... :-)
cherry314:1D
LOL yes, I think you would be. :)
Free college/university is coming so I hear.
"Free" isn't free. It'll still cost money, just that the funds may be available for this. If not, I either pass on the opportunity or somehow find other financing.
Going into debt to fund education is not really an option.
Pity. We need more kink friendly therapists.
True, they only intend to cover tuition, not books or living expenses while attending.
Indeed. I can work part time while studying - or do full time work and part time studies - but I need to find a job with an employer that is sympathetic to either scenario.
cherry314:1D
well, if I win the lottery, I will help you out
I agree we need more kink friendly therapists
I'll be taking you up on that, should you win. :-D
And just for posterity
Here's the actual convo.
