His Voice

The sound of his voice makes me smile. It calms me. He is my Sir. With him, I'm safe.

Can't sleep

I'm lying here, it's been an hour now, but I can't sleep.
It's partly because of the cramps...ugh... The only time I hate being a woman.

And thoughts of my Sir, very much keep me up.

Response

Bleeding hearts from jumping too fast.

I was thinking along these very lines just recently, reflecting upon a relationship that ended. We did not "cut the strings gently" as I had anticipated and wanted. I was put in a position where I had to rip the barbed strings out of my heart with fierce force of will and let it bleed profusely until it could bleed no more.

I, however, still wouldn't change a thing.

I am alive! Which means I will experience (hopefully) pleasure, pain, happiness and sorrow. I believe,we must be willing to endure the deepest depths of pain in order to reach the epic highs of pleasure (love).

I am his

So, yesterday my Sir and I announced publicly that we are in a relationship.
He is my owner and I am his property.
Such a happy subbie.

Tonight I went to see him. I made him dinner, it made me very happy to do that for him.

So many memories being made. Wish I could record them all. I don't want to forget.

He fisted me today. I was surprised that it hurt. I don't know what I was thinking... Of course it's going to hurt. lol.
But soon enough, it was more pleasure than pain. And I gushed all over.
He called me his little squirty girl. LOL
He grabbed me by my collar and said "nobody gets this look but me, it belongs to me"
It was so amazing. All I could do is agree and obey. His dominant touch takes my will. Turns me to jello.

Rainbow Birthday

Teeth brushed.
In bed. 4am
I got home about 2:45 from the play party.
I didn't play today.
I had no one to play with, for one, He couldn't come with. Family stuff.

It was still a ton of fun though.
One thing I did experience was ...
When I heard the slaps and the gasps and cries of pain, OMG
A hunger overtook me. Like a smoker having a nicotine fit. I wanted my Sir so badly at that moment, I wanted to be the one receiving those strikes. And even now I hunger for him.
A deep growling hunger. Wild and dangerous.
I need it. Like I need to breathe, to eat, I need his strikes upon my skin. But, I want it from him, not from someone else. I know, I'm allowed. Well, I think I'm allowed. I guess we still need to have that conversation.
How much control does he have?
How much control does he want?
I don't know.
I'll get back to you on that one.

He's so sweet. ;)

I'm sorry if I'm too clingy. I'm trying very hard. I know I can be .. Very intense.

Don't you worry, I know My slut needs a lot of attention. And I like being the center of your attention.

OK. Yes Sir, I will try not to worry. ;)

There really is nothing to worry about. I love you, I love taking you, I love calling you slut, whore and property, I love fucking you and cuming in you.

I love all of those things too. :)

Sweet dreams My possession, it is time for this tired old man to sleep. Dream of Me and know I love you and you will be Mine very soon.

Good night my sweet Sir. I love you too. 💕

OMG

I was upset that he canceled.
Thinking of leaving... having second thoughts because he has no time for me.
Then, we talked.
And he claimed me, as he does with his words.
"Who do you belong to?"
And "Cum for me " OMG!
Those words... SMH...

He says, I make him very happy, that I'm a good girl, and he's proud of me.
He says I am wanted, loved, and needed, by him.
That's all it takes...
I am his. Sigh :)

Right Now!

There is a new Man in my life, some of you may have guessed. LOL
We haven't known each other very long. But I do know that he is a Man of good character, a Man of integrity. All who know Him (with whom I have spoken) have the utmost respect for Him.
And even though our time together has been short, still, He has quickly become very very special to me.
This Man has reached out and taken my hand and helped me to explore so many things that I have only ever dreamed about.
So many of my "firsts" belong to Him and they always will.
I am so very proud to be able to call him my Sir.
Sometimes, I, like everyone, fret over my future.
But I do accept that not I nor anyone knows what life has in store for us.
We only have Right Now!
Right now...
I am so very grateful to know Him and to have Him in my life.
(kisses and hugs to my sweet Sir)

I belong to him (happy sigh)

you My slut belong to Me. you are My property, all that you once considered part of you, is now Mine. you have surrendered to Me, mind and body. There is no doubt, for you or I, I Own you.

Sex and dinner

Yummy

You make my dreams come true

https://youtu.be/X_I4wtNPv5w

Kissing

He calls me his slut. (Happy Sigh)

When I call you "My SLUT"

When I call you my slut, I am calling you beautiful. I am calling you sexy. I am calling you mine. When I call you my slut, it is a term of endearment.
My slut is the one that awakens my passion that I hunger for and can not live without. My slut is the one I want, the one I need, the one that can satisfy me. My slut ignites the fire within me, that burns with desire. My slut spawns my lust, and brings out the animal in me, biting and clawing my way to ecstasy.
As my slut, you hold a piece of my heart, mind, and soul. My slut is the one I hold most dearest to me.

It's so amazing

Being his.

Hello my name is Julie and I'm a cryer...

Needing Wanting

Since you know how... Can you teach me how to not fall i in love

OMG

Playing last night, in public. :)
OMG!
Naked, restrained, and being beaten in front of everyone. All my friends.
Then cuddling with my Sir. Amazing.
Then he left, pouts.

Then, I lost my keys. LOL

To Mike

Swirling and whirling out of control.
I know on my heart this will take its toll.
In fear at first, one step at a time
Then I jumped right in, but don't worry, I'm fine
What's done is done it's too late now
I'd save myself if I just knew how
You're deep in my heart, and there to stay.
Be we lovers or friends and come what may

To Mike, why I feel unwanted...

It's because, I know, I'm not what you want. It's OK. I still want to play and learn with you, very much so. But I know, you'd rather have (your true desire) is a younger baby girl type. I'm a fun distraction, but that's it. I really like you. You have all of the qualities I love. But, I know, I  fall very short of the qualities that you want... And so I have to keep looking for the right one for me. Maybe I'll never find him, who knows.

His reply:

You shouldn't doubt your worth. We are together now. What the future holds only time can tell. Please don't think I hold you in less regard. Yes I am not giving you my whole heart. I won't be giving that to anyone, I am just not ready.

I'm afraid

He says he's going to fuck me there.
In front of everyone.
I'm not scared. That's the wrong word.
I'm nervous.
I want it. It's another fantasy that he will make come true. Maybe.

My Collar

I feel it now.
The weight of it.
It's warm now against my skin.
Snug but not tight.
Bought for a purpose.
For play.
Purchased for me in particular.
My size.
Smiling as we paid.
So funny.
My first time.
They had no idea.
Or perhaps they did. lol
He took it home with him.
He made me dinner.
He placed the collar on my neck.
Then he says...
When I put this collar on you, you are mine. I said yes Sir.
He fastened it. And attached the leash.
I lost it.
I grabbed him and burst into tears.
I recovered.
I said, I'm OK.
He said. Seriously...
I want to know what just happened.
I said... It's just... That I want this so much.
He said... I'm concerned that you're falling in love with me. If you are I'm stopping this now.
You need to be able to separate playing from being in love, can you do that.
Yes Sir, I said.
OK then.
You have too many clothes on.
Clean up the table, put the food away.
I'm going to go and get things ready I'm going to take you in the bedroom and fuck you before we go to the party.
(I melted)
The way he talked. Like he owned me.
So fucking hot.
Yes Sir

He came back out and led me to his room.
He fucked me. He came in me.
It was fucking awesome.

Then. We went to the party.
It was wonderful.

So many feels today

Happy, laughing, bemused.
Thinking about all the things that have happened lately
Leaving Grizz
Meeting Mike.
sigh
I needed him today. I needed to hear his voice. It calmed me.
For some reason I start to think I've done something wrong, or he's lost interest in me like Grizz did.
But, after talking with him. I know, that's not the case.

He's tired. LOL. Which is my fault. I didn't leave his house until 1 am. We played, but not hard. He didn't want to put me in subspace. Not when I had to drive home.
I love every minute of playing with him.
Every strike, every second that we're together.
I it's wonderful.
I didn't know it would be like this.
I had no idea than pain could cause so much pleasure.
This is where my adventure has led me.
From Michael, to Grizz and now Mike.
I'm very grateful to him for taking me under his v wing, so to speak.
He's certainly helping me to move on.
I didn't message Grizz all day today.
Maybe yesterday either.
I do think of him periodically. But I'm trying not to. Because it's just pain. With no purpose anymore.
Grizz is my past.
Mike is my now.
Unknown is my future.

His Slut - mmm yes

He said... This is what I am to him.
I'm definitely twitter painted.
My emotions are running very high.
He's trying to keep me at arms length.
Not very successfully.

When I call you "My SLUT"

When I call you my slut, I am calling you beautiful. I am calling you sexy. I am calling you mine. When I call you my slut, it is a term of endearment.
My slut is the one that awakens my passion that I hunger for and can not live without. My slut is the one I want, the one I need, the one that can satisfy me. My slut ignites the fire within me, that burns with desire. My slut spawns my lust, and brings out the animal in me, biting and clawing my way to ecstasy.
As my slut, you hold a piece of my heart, mind, and soul. My slut is the one I hold most dearest to me.

I've always been a slut

For as long as I can remember.

My fantasy

I don't know what it's called... But there is a bench you sit on it, you are restrained, with your legs spread.

I want to be tied to it. Beaten with a crop and fucked with a toy until I gush many times, like 10 times into a bucket.

Just saying... LOL

I met someone

His name is Mike...

We played at a play party.
It was awesome.