Thoughts

I think I'm concerned with losing the apartment. I worked hard to get it. To get the things I needed to be able to do things myself. Like. The dishwasher, elevator, my bed, the laundry cart so I don't have to carry heavy things, a place that allows my dog. I have a raised toilet seat and higher furniture to protect me knees. Jar opening tools. So many things that made my life easier and stopped me from being in so much pain.
He should just leave and let me have it.

Maybe we could be a couple but just not live together. I don't know.
He wants me to give up my Dom. I don't know what good that would really do.
Then I'll be all alone again. Sad. Depressed. Needy.
He says, he'll go to the doctor about his low sex drive. He says he'll get counseling. He says I can have a safe word to stop him from rambling on for hours.
He says a lot but I don't think he'll really do those things. And even if he did he wouldn't be doing it for the right reasons so he would be resentful.
Just like I would resent him if I gave up G.
Not going to work.
It's hard to see reality sometimes.
It's hard for me to know what's real or if I'm just living in a fantasy world. Pretending that I actually have what I need because change is too scary.
Or maybe I'm just a selfish spoiled bitch who uses people. I don't know.