The Husband

Been talking with Marc for an hour. Trying to comfort him. He was upset and angry. I said sorry many times.
He was angry that I broke the agreement, not to talk to G on the weekend.

Then he says I need to take at least a month off of talking to G and break off all contact with my friends from FetLife. Or our marriage is over. I said no. He said some nasty things and then said "Nice knowin ya" and hung up.

I just had a revelation, one reason that I stay or keep going back is because he will out me to my whole family and his family. I'm afraid of that. I've given him way too much ammunition that he can use against me. Sigh.

I'm not going back to the torture chamber. I know I'm kinky, but going back there and giving up my friends is not safe, sane or consensual.

He doesn't trust me. I don't blame him. I wish I had just left him and not tried to figure out a better way. I didnt want to abandon him. But I want to be happy too. If I go back there, if I did as he asks, I would be so very sad. I truly believe I would end up killing myself. Go back. To what. Suffering through hours of rhetorical repetitive mutterings. No. Not doing it. I'm actually happy where I am. Wish I could stay here.

Am I an evil horrible person.
Maybe I am.