Taking things from the apartment. :(

Home. Well. At the shelter.
Been a very long, very sad day.
Took a lot of my stuff from the apartment. Feeling very guilty. Like I don't deserve those things. Like I am the bad one. I am the one who destroyed our marriage.
Like I didn't give him a chance to try to fix things.
Like I deserved to be beaten the way I was.
Because I went on Fet. Because I have my relationship with G.

My nose is fractured. Two black eyes. Bruised hands and arms.
Still I am so very sad for him, more than myself.
I think because I know I'm strong and I'll be ok. But he is not as strong as me. He needed me and I have abandoned him betrayed him.
But. Maybe that's the control he had. Using my need to help others to keep me trying to help him all these years.
I really need to learn to listen to good advice.

I wish things were not this way. I wish he was not in jail. I wish I had not pushed him to the breaking point. He is broken. He needs help. Perhaps he'll get it now.
Perhaps it had to be this way fit him to get the help he needs.
I don't know.
I just think, he's not a bad person.
He just did a bad thing.

Then worries about Grizz sneak in. Worries about him with other women. Stupid. Double standard. I don't know what's wrong with me.
But I will sure as hell find out!