July 7,2014 the afternoon.

It's 2:30pm. Got up at noon. Haven't been to the pool yet. I am putting it off. I'm sure why. I just don't feel like doing much of anything today. I'm going to message Grizz and beg for permission to not go. I'll go tomorrow. I just feel like I need today off. We'll see what he says.

We had a wonderful conversation last night. No sex. But still wonderful. ;)
He said, "You know where your place is." I didn't say anything so he said it again more of a serious question. "You know where your place is? Right?"
I said yes, meaning that I know I have a place in his life and in his heart.
He said "Your place is right here beside me" it touched my heart, and the tone of his voice put me in that submissive mindset that I've been missing. In that moment I was his, and nothing else mattered. *sigh* It's not sex. Or at least it's not only sex that makes me his. It's his demeanor.
Sometimes I do think he's too nice to me. LOL. I know that sounds odd, but, I feel closest to him when he is more... Um... I don't know a good word, forceful maybe??

His tone of voice, is a big one. The soft, "get it done baby girl" is nice. But doesn't have the same affect as "Julie, get it done! And I don't expect to hear from you again until it is" lol.
Sounds silly I guess.

Perhaps it's that I need to know he's not going to let me walk all over him. Testing the limits. Providing proof that he is capable and worthy of being my Dom.

I have explained to him, more than once, that I'm NOT a baby girl. That I need much less coddling. And more ... Something... I don't even really know how to put it into words.

It's like, I want to hear the animal in him. I want that barely controlled lust. Not just sex though. I do love his kind and gentle nature. But I crave the rush that I get from him when he's expressing his masculine power over me. Even just in a conversation, sometimes even through text.
He's not my "Daddy Dom" although he does seem to prefer to be thought of that way. And I don't want to be a baby girl. I don't know for sure but I don't think baby girls enjoy being almost violently forced down and being told "get on your fucking knees slut" while his hand is pulling their hair. But maybe I'm wrong. I don't really know what baby girls like. I only know what I crave.
I want to be tied standing with my hands above my head. Naked. With my legs restrained, open. While he plays with my body. While he reddens my ass. Then he attaches nipple clamps and chains, and even maybe, a clit clamp, bind my breasts and slap them with a flogger. And in between blows fuck my wet pussy hard and hold a vibrator on my clit until he makes me cum over and over until I beg him for mercy.

Um. Ok. Now I'm fucking horny as hell!!!
Sigh!!!
LOL