Feeling Lonely

I had a restless night. Still tired but can't sleep. Could be because of the pain. Takes a few days for my meds to work after I've missed a week.

Been thinking a lot about G this morning. Who he is, what kind of person he is, what kind of Dom he is. I feel kind of sad because I sense us growing apart. That fierce loyalty and all encompassing feeling of adoration has waned. I do love him, but the Rose colored glasses are gone. Now, I do realize, that I am under a lot of stress. So that could have a lot to do with it.
I love him. But I am having trouble seeing him as my Dom. I know that he would willingly and happily give me whatever I need to feel secure. And it's not that I feel insecure. I just don't feel "submissive" if that makes any sense.

I know he's very busy. He has many friends. I think he does love having sex with me. But it does seem like he's always distracted. I think maybe he's losing interest in me and I don't blame him. I think he thrives on the chase, and on new experiences. I think my need to be his only sub is stifling him. Perhaps even though we do love each other, perhaps we are just not compatible. I know he loves to flirt and I know he has cut down on doing that because of me, because it upset me and I felt insecure. Perhaps I need a stronger Dom. He is a Daddy Dom, and they are gentler and kinder. And I do love that about him. It's just, he seems very far away. With many other things on his mind. I know he has a life other than me. And so he should. Perhaps I'm just lonely.
Perhaps it has to do with NRE. But it is sad that we lost that after only 5 months. Lying or perhaps not exactly lying but keeping things from each other took its toll, and we lost something. I don't know if we can ever get it back. I feel like I am his FWB,  not his submissive.
Or maybe it's all just in my head and I'll feel better later, or tomorrow.