On my own tonight

My Sir is busy tonight. And didn't have time for me today either. Well I guess that isn't entirely true. We did spend a short time on the phone this morning.
He has other responsibilities. I do get it. And its his wife. She's important.

But that leaves me on my own. So I start feeling lonely. Start missing having someone to hold me. It does make me envious. Not over G. But just, envious that she has a man who loves her and takes such good care of her. I wish I had a man like that. I mean. I guess I did. But he was driving me crazy, and no sex. But seriously did I fuck up, should I have just stayed with my H. If I had just agreed to his conditions. *sigh* Anyway. Its too late.
Now that he has broken my nose and pretty much tried to kill me, there's no going back. I am very afraid of him.

So where do I go from here.
Alone for a while. Even though I'm lonely, I would not want to get into a relationship with anyone rig gt now. No need to inflict this craziness on someone else.

G has said, I am his until/if I decide to leave. And that if I do start looking for a new Dom, someone close to me, that they must meet his approval, to which I agree. I don't think it would be a good idea for him to release me and send me back out among the wolves.

It's been a sad day.
I might be losing my income, and my meds.
I called G to talk about it this morning but he was in a hurry to go out, needed to get things done. It made me sad, I felt like a bother/a burden, and honestly, I am. It's always something with me. *sigh*
I miss the beginning.
I miss the happiness I used to feel.
I miss that intense feeling of submission. I don't feel it very often.
I think I'm just under way too much stress.
I do know, after being with G at the apartment, after he makes me cum... a lot... I am, well, my mind is, quieter. It's odd.
I wonder is it the physical exertion?
Something about the sexual release?
Him Dominating me?
Me submitting?
Is it just that a man is paying attention to me, a man saying he wants me?
*sigh*
Then I think, I'm losing him anyway.
When we first met he said he very rarely had sex with his with wife, and that he needed the release and that's why he has me (and I guess his baby girls, I don't know, I mean, I don't know if he cums with them).
At any rate, now his wife is giving him sex every Sat. (Hence, he's busy today). So as she gives him what he needs, he will no longer need me. :(.

Then there is another concern.
If she was to find out.
If, she didn't just leave him, at the very least she would make him give up all his "dirty little secrets" she's not going to understand how dangerous that would be for me, nor should she care, I am the Jezebel. I am the home wrecker, or at least that's what I would be if she ever found out.
And then his baby girls, I don't know how dependent on him they are. I wonder if/ how they would handle it if he had to leave us behind. It's actually kind of irresponsible, when you think about it, I mean, to encourage us to be utterly his, depending on him so much, and knowing he may, any day, leave us.
I guess, though, when you really think about it, it would be similar to him dying. We would be alone, without him. But somehow, it's different. I guess because dying would not be his choice. Leaving us to save his marriage (which is the only reasonable choice) would be voluntary on his part.
LOL
I am very good at imaging all the bad things that can happen. lol.
*sigh*