In the beginning...

OK, So, My Dom has given me the assignment of keeping a daily journal. Before I actually get into current events though, I am to reflect upon our relationship beginning with when we met. I'll be adding to it as I can. I don't have very much privacy. 

It was in January of 2014, I am pretty sure it was January 24th, but not positive about that. It was a few weeks after my run in with Michael. (but that's a whole other story).

He was very kind and patient with me. He told me his real name, which was much different than almost all of the other Doms I had talked to. They all wanted to be called Sir. I being naive, assumed that as a submissive woman I was required to call them that. I did ask one of them, and he said, “Well, if they want you to and you don't, they probably won't talk to you."

I talked with several Dom's.

Not just on Fet. I was on another site as well. I had spoken with two Doms who live close to me. Both married and looking for a submissive outside of their marriage in secret. I was not telling my H.

I had tried very hard to get him to listen and to learn, but he refused. He was too busy with his philosophy. He no longer wanted sex with me. At one point he said "you're like a dog in heat". He was very cruel with his words. I felt unwanted, unloved and even unworthy of love and of sex.

Then, I met Grizz. I " loved " one of his writings on Fet. And he struck up a conversation with me. We liked each other right away. He read my profile, he said in a message "you seem very sincere in your journey"

I said, "I am."

"Then come take my hand and we shall see where it leads." 

I'm afraid. I wrote back. 

I'm afraid to trust.

Julie, will you trust me for today?  Just today? He messaged back.

I will. I said, I will take your hand and trust you for today. 

He led me out of the dark forest.

He saved me from being taken in by a fake Don. And from seeking a Dom in real time.

I was supposed to, I had arranged to meet a Dom locally at a coffee shop. And then if we liked each other, we would go to a motel room. When I look back now I see how dangerous that was. At the time, I was suffering from what I now know was severe sub-frenzy. It is like a drug addict whose drug of choice was suddenly taken away. I was in such a state, that I would have done pretty much anything just to experience the submissive feelings I had with Master Michael. To experience also,  being with a Dom/Master. I wanted it more than I've ever wanted anything. 

I told Grizz about my plans. I hadn't told anyone else. 

He said "Well, it's your choice, but I'm safer."

I thought about that. And he was right.

It would be safer to have an online Dom. For many reasons. Including the fact that I was married.

So, I choose Grizz. 

The first few weeks, months were amazing.

The cybersex we had was incredible.

I would be with him at Midnight 4 nights a week. I added him to my profile as my protector. 

It has not always been easy with him.

You see, he was what he calls "a flirt". 

But he wasn't just " flirting " but I wasn't aware, and I was naive. I learned that he was having sex with many other women, whoever he fancied on any given day. 

He was not honest with me about his relationships with other women. But I didnt find that out until I had already submitted my mind body and soul to him. 

Nothing hurts more than when you find out your Dom has lied to you and betrayed your trust, broken his word.