Sometimes

Sometimes it all comes back.
It stings!
The lying.
The betrayal.
He didn't come clean on his own.
He got caught.
Although, he was pretty stupid about it, seems like he wanted to get caught.
Does he really believe he did something wrong, I don't know.
He lies to his wife, and he has lied to me too. 
Can a leopard change their spots.
Sometimes I believe him 100%.
Then other times doubt creeps in.
People make mistakes, lord knows I'm no saint either.
If he hurts me and betrays me again.
It will not end well for either of us.
I won't be made a fool of again.
I hope that I have not, am not, making a huge mistake. Today, I am full of doubt.
But I don't always feel this way.
Just sometimes, when the pain of it resurfaces, when I remember how he played me for a fool.
Not just once but 3 times. Sigh.
Am I just stupid.
Lies, half truths, lies by omission.
It's all the same.

I just love him so much, and I would be so lost without him. Love is weakness.
Sigh.

I can't talk to him about this. About when these feelings come back. I don't want to keep throwing his mistakes in his face, I know he wouldn't do that to me. So I write it here. He may read it, I know, but like he says, feelings are only temporary. I'm hoping writing it out will make it go away.