Away

G is on a trip. With his brother(s). He's far from home, but still far from me. And there will be little to no contact with him for the next few days. Tonight I will have to go to sleep without speaking to him on the phone. It's difficult to be without him. But I really want him to be able to relax and not worry about me.

I miss him already. ;)

But I know it won't be forever. Just a few days.
While he's gone I'm going to do everything I can to be a good girl. Everything I know that he wants me to be doing, I am hoping that doing that will enable me to feel close to him even while he's away.
I will also do my best not to message him, unless he messages me first.

As we travel together on this journey, I'm learning many things. Especially what I want and need as far as a D/s relationship. If, and that's a huge if... If I ever go looking for a real time Dom, who is near me...
Things I know I want

Monogamy
At least for the first year. I want someone who's focus will be on me/us, our relationship only. Others create distraction. I think it's of utmost importance for a new Dom/sub relationship that both Dom and sub focus on each other.

An Older Man
He must be older than me. G is 15 years older, and that seems pretty good. At least 10 yes older, or someone who acts /looks likes that.

Experience
He must know about the BDSM lifestyle. He must fully understand and appreciate subspace and sub-drop and their affects on a submissive. He must take aftercare very seriously and know how to bring me back down safely and gently. He must have complete respect for hard limits and safe words.

24/7
He must want a sub/slave 24/7, even if we didn't live together, he must be willing and able to take control of my whole life, not just in the bedroom.

He must be a gentleman.

These are some of the qualities I've learned that I prefer. G does have some of them.

He is not and will never be monogamous. He is polygynous. That means he prefers to have many women who are all monogamous to him. 

I didn't really know this before I fell in love with him. I really didn't know anything. I just jumped in with both feet without testing the water, without seeing if there were any sharks. And I got bitten.

It does still bother me sometimes, a tiny sting, in that I feel like he did not give me the devotion that I gave him when we first met. But, I can't see myself without him now.
And things have changed a lot since then.
I believe that he is in love with me and I know that I'm in love with him. We have something special, something really good and I don't want to lose it.
When I'm with him I'm complete.
He can never give me monogamy though. Because he's married to someone else, and he loves her, and she will always come first. Which is as it should be. I do fantasize sometimes that he's not married - in a different place and time - a different reality - we would meet, he would collar me, and I would be his only one. We would live together, happy, in love, and having lots of great sex. It is just a fantasy. The reality might not be as romantic as my imagination makes it out to be.
I do like our relationship. I do think it can be even better.
I have to be able to trust him that he will never ever lie to me again.
I know there is no guarantee. But I wish with all my heart and I hope against reason, that he never will. I hope that he will never again betray me, or break his word.
It's hard to trust again once you've been hurt. I do believe though, that if I can truly let my guard down with him, like when I first met him, that our relationship would be even more amazing for us both.
I am getting there, little by little.
I trust him more each day.