Rested

I have been to the pool, eaten some food, and rested most of the day.
I am feeling better.
Although feeling very disconnected from Grizz.
I have had some contact with him but not much.
I know he'll be back soon, I miss him.
He says he misses me too.
He says he is thinking of me.

It's been a strange day.
A day of remembering my life with Marc.
Remembering the good times, when we would sing together, and laugh, it's sad that it's all been lost.
My fault. I destroyed our lives. I lied. I cheated. I ruined my life.
Now I am alone, no one to care for me when I am sick.
How will I survive. I don't know.

My counselor says that it usually takes about a year, a year of hard work on the part of an abuser, to be truly able to start to be trusted again. She said, that is only after they come to terms with the fact that it was their choices and actions that led them to where they are. So that means he needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

I do wonder if I will ever see him again. I suppose I will at some point, Even if by accident. It's a small world. They are saying that he will probably serve 6 to 8 months in jail. I wonder if he will just blame me for that, or if he will accept that it was his actions that landed him there. I wanted to remain friends, and I could even see a day when we might be able to get back together. But that seems impossible now.