Sadness

I had a wonderful afternoon with G. We talked a long time about lots of different things, politics and what not. I love him so much. And it was beautiful being with him and I needed to be with him. But then, after, I'm feeling so emotional. I'm acutely aware of the fact that he is 2700 kilometers away. All I want is to be held in his arms. All I want is for him to hold me. Stroke my hair. Tell me everything's going to be okay. I'm acutely aware of how alone I am. And it hurts. Tears streaming down my face. Because I love him so very much. But I may never be in his arms.
I miss him. Even though I've never touched him.

He's busy, he can't talk to me right now and I'm sure he feels that he gave me a lot of his time already. I'm sure if i ask him to talk to me now that he would say well he probably wouldn't say but he would be thinking but I did stay with you after what's wrong with you i don't know what's wrong with me.
Perhaps it's loneliness.

I messaged G
He let me call him.
He thinks maybe sub drop.
And that I'm still grieving the death of my marriage. Seems like that's a good bet.
I'm glad he could talk with me.
I'm still sad. But. I can deal with it better now.