Dear G Email

Several days ago I was writing this email to G, it was after a very heated conversation in which he was very angry at me for expressing jealous feelings. I ended up not sending it, but rather reading it to him. He then apologized for being too harsh with me and I felt much much better and was able to overcome my feelings of jealousy.  I want to keep it, because it is part of my journey.

Dear G

I want to be yours more than anything else.

I told you, I have huge huge trust issues.

Every man in my life has hurt me, has betrayed me.

I am trying very hard to deal with it.

Yes, jealousy appeared again. 

Yes, I have emotions. 

I was doing my best to remain calm even though I was screaming inside.

I can no more decide to be jealous than I can decide not to be. 

But I can try to deal with it.

But I need to be able to tell you how I am feeling without you going ballistic on my head.

Your vehement denial and anger towards me makes you look guilty of doing something wrong.

I am not accusing you of anything. I am just saying - objectively. 

I need your support to help me deal with these feelings, not for you to threaten to leave me because I have them. 

Can you understand?