This is NOT my fault

There were many many issues before I made the decision to be Grizz's submissive.

I need to SHOW UP in my life.
Not dwell on the past.
Not wait for the future.
Live in the here and now.

When he starts taking up space in my head I will redirect my thoughts to something about me.
Like the coffee... I like Chai  tea and I'm going to have one.
Remember they are using me as the scapegoat. I must not join them.
He was very self centered. Only really cared about himself, his needs.
He is definitely mentally ill.
I may have some issues because my life has turned inside out. But I'm not mentally ill. I will recover and become stronger.
I am NOT the cause of everyone's pain.
I should not have gone back because guilt was really the only reason.

I was very unhappy and I was using coping strategies to survive.
Like tuning him out.
Like avoiding being at home.
Like lashing out and being angry telling him not to talk to me.

I wanted my marriage to last I did not want to give up. But I reached my breaking point and could no longer cope.
BDSM was my escape.
A strong man, who I didn't have to take care of, I didn't have to mother.
Someone who would take care of me.
A Dom/Master.
I have that now, sort of. He can't take care of me physically but he does take care of my emotional and sexual needs. Well keeps my sexual needs down to a dull roar. I do sometimes long for the physical touch of man, of my Dom. I long to be held in his strong arms, to know what it's like to be held and comforted by him. To feel him inside me, taking me, using me for his pleasure. Taking complete control of me. mmm.