thinking about things

I just had a wonderful night with my Sir.
So many amazing memories made, feeling so good when he left.

I am finding it hard though, to stay positive, when I know, he doesn't love me, I mean, he loves me, but he's not in love with me and he has never lied about that. He says, he can't give me his whole heart. He says he's not ready. I know I lack patience, I want it all right now all the time. So I am trying very hard not to make any rash decisions.

I am thinking perhaps I should cancel the meeting between him and my girls. I dunno.

It makes me very sad.
To think I must give him up
Because, I don't want to settle for less than I deserve and I deserve a man who is deeply and madly in love with me.

I can't relax with him, because I am always afraid he will leave. He will decide I want more than he can give me and he will tell me that we can't be together anymore.

He confuses me sometimes.
He says, it's like any other dating. but it's not. we are not building a relationship to build a life together, we are just passing time.

It does cross my mind that I should break this off now, now while it won't (hopefully) completely destroy me. But I really really don't want to. I want him. But I want him to want me just as much, and he doesn't. I can just accept that, I can keep him, but if I can't, I will have to leave him. It's so sad. So very sad.
Sad for him too.
He could have all of me, he could keep me.
But he holds back. :(
Sad for him.

He changed his status on his profile for me.
He was afraid to do that.
I will not let him down by breaking up with him already, let's give it six months and we'll see how things are.