Sooo This happened...

I don't want to dwell on it, but I do think that it's important to remember...

Soooo this happened....

Sooo... (frowning) this happened... I spent the weekend with Mike at his place (It was an amazing weekend) on Sunday in the morning he decided he would rather not go to Scandalous (a local event) but said I could still go. Of course I prefer him to come with me, but, I love Scandalous (which was Sunday night) and so I decided that yes I would go on my own. No big deal, I always have fun there. Mike and I have talked at length about things like his children come first. I have no issue with that. They will not stay young (12 &14 right now) forever and he doesn't live with them so his time with them is already less. I support him in this, admire him for it even... That being said...
On Sunday morning when we got up, (after a lovely time in bed) he asked my plans for the day. (Note I live 30 minutes away from his house and Scandalous) He said his plans were to just relax and watch TV. I asked permission. I asked... may I just hang out here with you until I leave for Scandalous at 6:30? He said yes. We had a lovely day watching Netflix, laughing, talking so wonderful... Then... It all changed... His son texted him and asked if he could come over... And he kicked me out (I hadn't even gotten dressed yet) He did let me shower and dress. He was not mean about it but it hurt just the same.

The kids don't know about me. And he doesn't want them to. I was leaving in two hours anyway but he would not let his son wait for even that short of time. It made me feel like a piece of garbage.

To me... I feel like it was disrespectful to me. I feel like I shouldn't allow him or anyone else to treat me that way.

But... There's more to the story.

When he saw that he had hurt me (I tried very hard to maintain my composure but I couldn't and I burst into tears, looking back I think what happened, why I was so upset was because i was still floating from playing and it made me crash hard into sub drop.) He became very upset (he cried). He has a huge heart and I know that he'd rather be alone than be responsible for hurting me (emotionally that is, not physically, funny how that works lol).

I don't know how to feel about this.... I am torn between needing to set boundaries for respectful behavior towards me (as another human being not even as his sub) and/but also not wanting to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

The thing is... I had asked permission... to stay... if his son coming was a possibility then I feel I had the right to know that. He should have made that clear. It's not that I minded leaving, we were only watching TV. I would have left sooner if I had known.

And he did spend the whole weekend with me from Friday night on. So I think I should just be grateful for the amazing weekend we had. But... it hurts when someone blatantly shows you that you are just not that important to them. That's how I feel. I'm a pleasant diversion, but ultimately disposable.

It was one of the most amazing weekends of my entire life, but the way it ended was heart breaking. I was so sad, so very sad. I'm more calm about it now, but I don't know what to do.

Then just to make matters worse...

He's been having stress at work over the last week or so. Monday was a long hard day at work for him and his eldest was ill so he had to take him to the doctor after work. They didn't get home until after 10 pm. He was exhausted. And So I've had no voice contact since he kicked me out. I needed to hear his voice so badly :(. I do understand that he couldn't comfort me, he had nothing left, he said as much. But it doesn't lessen my sub drop symptoms and it makes me question whether he can even handle a relationship with me. I NEED contact with my Dom, especially in that kind of situation.... After he's kicked me out of his house.

I'm having strong doubts.
But, it also seems like it's giving up too easy.
What do you think?

muskokasir4u:

just take a deep breath
you will be ok
he is having a tough time , you know as well as anyone what stress does to a person .....sometimes they are not a tactful as they should be .
we all lose some of our polish when we get stressed
this is just a glitch