The Return of Subfrenzy

A play party, some hot moments with female friends, a good beating from my Dom, mj, wine, subspace, subdrop, and heartbreak. Phew, it’s been a whirlwind 24 hours. But I’m learning.

I’m learning. With each new experience I learn and grow. This journey has a few more pitfalls than I initially thought. Even though I know that, they still continue to catch me off guard.

One thing I learned, subfrenzy (or submissive gone insane as I call it) can happen at any time. I was just happily strolling along in my bdsm adventures, and life happened, I got busy, I stopped playing as much, not realizing that not playing also meant that I stopped submitting. I knew I needed something, I thought it was impact play, subspace and sex, and yes that was part of it, but what I needed, was having wicked withdrawal from was submission. Mentally and emotional complete submission to my Dom. The kind that puts me in “psychological subspace” (which is a new term I learned for a phenomenon that I knew existed but couldn’t explain in words).

So I go searching for some relief from my unfulfilled needs. I find a willing playmate. I think, oh this is awesome, he’s just my type and we have a great time together. I enjoy his company. Then,and I don’t even know when or how it happened but. I opened myself up to him, my mind, my heart, all of me. I gave myself to him, not even realizing I’d done it. He didn’t really ask for it, I mean yes, we played and he was Dominant towards me. But I know, he had no idea how deep into me I’d allowed him to go. And I know, because he told me, that he wasn’t in a place where he could start a relationship with someone. This was supposed to be fun, a release from stress, a scratch on an itch.
But, for me, it turned stressful, I became obsessed with him, stalker level-almost- and I became addicted to his presence, his voice, his smile, his Dominant, my life became all about him, nothing else was important, I waited, to see a message from him, or see a reason I could message him. I asked him “when may I see you again” that was all that really mattered.

I fell in love with him:(
I thought I could handle it.
But, nope!