Him, I still love him. 
I’ve put space between us, I’ve blocked him. I’m staying away from events.

But he’s back. In my brain. 

Why can’t I just move on.
Why can’t I just accept that he doesn’t love me. 
That he will never love me. 
Perhaps it’s mental illness. Obsessive Love Disorder. 
How the fuck did I fall so hard for him when he doesn’t feel the same.

I’ll be seeing him this weekend. It’s like, the more I try to avoid him, to distance myself, the more want him. The crazier I get. 

I’ve started wishing I could tell him things. Things about music. Things about my life. Like I used to. I used to tell him everything. 

Sir has said, I have to choose. Of course I choose him. But I love Mister H, so much. At one time, I called him Sir. I miss that so much. 
I want to be his. In the depths of my being, I am his. I can’t act on it. But it’s true. I try to fight the feelings but they win everyday every  time. 

I love my Sir too. Very much