Things I want to remember

There are a lot of things I want to remember. that way maybe I can stop from making the same mistakes over and over and over.

One thing I want to remember is how when I was telling a story he would interrupt me and tell me I don't need to tell him that. so obviously he was not interested in anything I had to say not really.

He really wanted me to do the juicing cuz you said that you know he wanted it for my house and I do believe that that he wanted it for my health but I also think that he kind of lied to me because he said that he did juicing but he didn't and he wanted me to do it but he didn't even do it himself. and the water fasting I mean it sounds almost like he wasn't saying and maybe he did kind of lose his mind and he's trying to get back on his feet and absolutely I I can understand doing that. but I also know that I can't help him with that I have enough of my own shit that I'm trying to get through.

I know I should never have invited him here it was a big mistake I don't know what was going on in my head I I had I forgot you know I made the decision when I had the first date that he wasn't the one and then for some reason between then and an inviting him here I started to think maybe he was the one. I don't know I'm just so confused about the whole thing I don't know what was going on in my head I don't know why I did what I did I can't figure it out I'm feeling so lost. I just got back from driving all the way to London and back. he did pay for the gas and he left this juicer but he could have taken it with him. I don't know what's going on with him I don't know really understand. I hope he's okay. I really hope that meeting me did not do more damage to him. if only I had listened to Grizz.
If only I wasn't so bullheaded and stubborn sometimes.

I want to remember how he didn't like when Molly parked it was very very irritated by it. He didn't like when Molly would climb all over me like she does and I like when she does that because it means she wants to be with me and I like that feeling and he would tell me to put her down and I didn't like that he would tell me to put her down. guidance as he found him she found them to be very controlling. now controlling is going to be something that my Dom will be because that's part of it but I don't know if his way of controlling was bad and gums way is good or am I just confused maybe I don't fucking know anything maybe I'm just a basketcase myself. and he would say things like oh you're the dog is retarded the dogs neurotic little old but it's a sweet little dog or just sweet little dog I don't know I can't understand whether he was trying to be nice and just was saying things you didn't really mean but then he kept saying one thing and then sing another and changing his mind back and forth and he was undecisive and owe me and he was driving me crazy with it I'd like okay do you want this or not do you want this or not you have to say yes or no you can't be indecisive it was something like a sandwich.