I've been emotional

I'm thinking now, after reading previous journals that Bill is right, I am suffering this way because of lack of contact with him. I forget the things I learned about submission and sub space and sub drop, I forget how, by giving in, giving him my submission, I'm connected to him.

This morning (well started last night) I was full of doubt, crying, I thought he had found a new playmate that he likes better than me. I asked him. He refused to answer. He said, "we're not going there again"
Then he said he has deactivated his Fet account. I have no way to check, he might be lying, I know he will lie sometimes to try to protect me, or to make me happy. Doesn't matter. He says he wants more time with me.

We had an amazing session. I cried a lot after. It opens me. Leaves me vulnerable, out of control.
I told him about not wanting another man's hands on me. That, when I think about it, I don't like it, I only want him, I only want to cum for him and with him. That scares me. It scares me because it's like he has brainwashed me, so that my only desire is for him. Imprinting. That's what he calls it. I didn't think it was real. But. I really am his. It is real. I truly belong to him. He always says, "I have your heart" and it's true, he does. I just hope he doesn't break it, break me.
He says he will never leave me until the day he dies. It's almost like wedding vows, but stronger somehow. I think stronger because it's a deeper connection, a deeper love. That's my opinion anyway.
I am happy. Most of the time.
I like having my own place, doing whatever I want.
I'm only sad when I feel lonely. Or when my longing to be with him overwhelms me. It's very strong. Stronger every day.
Someday, I might just show up in Texas. I wonder what he would do.
I feel safe when I'm confident in our relationship. I feel protected, even though he can't really protect me from so far away.
I thought I needed a new Dom.
I was wrong.
I just need him. Physically, I need him. I must find a way.